Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
