my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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