mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
