Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
