Kareoke will never be a sober sport
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
