If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
