when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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