Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
