I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
