All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
