i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
