Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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