he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize