"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
