my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
