At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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