Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
