If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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