remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
