Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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