careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
