How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
