She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
