i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
