I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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