i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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