Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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