I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress