hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night