He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
