I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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