Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum