i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.