I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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