bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.