remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?