Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
