hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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