The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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