she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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