Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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