If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Even my vagina gasped.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
