The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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