took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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