That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
