if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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