JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
