If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
