another moral hangover. fuck.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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