went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
