Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
