Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
