Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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