My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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