i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
