She said her name was "party"
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
