real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
