The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
