Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
