you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
