she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
