Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media