The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER