I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
