I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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