this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
