I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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