he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
