Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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