Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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