very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
