i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
