So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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