i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Even my vagina gasped.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
