I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
