so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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