Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We had to coat check the pizza.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
