Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
