I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
