He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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