Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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