I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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